Humor
In The Spirit of Mark Twain
Territorial Enterprise
Virginia City, Nevada
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"Why Worry?" & other fun questions.

circa 1996

  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

  • Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

  • Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

  • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

  • Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

  • Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

  • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

  • If 7-11 stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

  • If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

  • If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

  • If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

  • You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

  • Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

  • You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

  • Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

  • Did you know who in 1923 was:
    1. President of the largest steel company?
    2. President of the largest gas company?
    3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
    4. Greatest wheat speculator?
    5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
    6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
  • These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 70 years later, do you know what has become of these men?
    1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
    2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane.
    3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
    4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
    5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
    6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died from suicide.
  • The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still playing golf and is solvent. CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF

    This "letter" originated in The Netherlands, has been passed around the world at least 20 times and is now posted on the web. It has been in our email box since 1996. If you wrote it and want to claim credit, email our editor.

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