Mark Twain's Brand

Territorial Enterprise
Virginia City, Nevada

Contradictions ~ American-style

  • Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance

  • Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

  • Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people buy cigarettes at the front.

  • Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a Diet Coke.

  • Only in America do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

  • Only in America do home owners leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put their junk in the garage.

  • Only in America do people use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in the first place.

  • Only in America do shoppers buy hot dogs in packages of 10 and buns in packages of eight.

  • Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


    This interesting piece of humor was found by someone already posted on the web, but anonymously so. If you wrote it and want to claim credit, email our editor or send him your own humorous writings ~ especially any "Only in America" stories for this page.

  • separator
    News || Guest Writers || Mark Twain || Dan DeQuille || Humor || Travel
    Territorial Enterprise
    Publishing Since 1858

    TE Printer
    © 1999-2000 All Rights Reserved