In The Spirit of Mark Twain
Virginia City, Nevada
Heaven or HellOne day, while walking down the street, a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and killed. Her soul arrived up in Heaven, where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in, though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem - just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven, and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up mind....I prefer to stay in Heaven," said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules," said St. Peter, and with that, he put the executive in an elevator and it went down to Hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club, and standing in front of her were all of her friends - fellow executives with whom she had worked. They were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf, and that night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil, who was actually a really nice guy (and kinda cute). She had a great time telling jokes and dancing. In fact, she was having such a good time, that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up and opened back at the Pearly Gates, where she found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time, and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up. St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.
The woman paused for a second, and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this. I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened, she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and danced and had a great time. Now all there is here is a wasteland of garbage and all of my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled, "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff."
Web Editor's Note: Terrible humor as it hits so close to home with me. A job I had as a temp in 1986, which lasted a year, changed to "hell-ish" when I went to work for the company directly. I stayed on only a few more months and left cursing the man who hired me.
This humorous commentary is an email that has been being circulated without any credit claimed. If you wrote it, email TE's editor.
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