Mark Twain's Brand

Territorial Enterprise
Virginia City, Nevada

"Harmonization" of European Languages

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German Government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":

  • In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

  • There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

  • In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.

  • By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"s vith "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !

    This "humorous" commentary on the "harmonization" of language in Europe was sent by Erik Moldrup, Senior Lecturer, Aalborg, Denmark. Thank you, Professor! Send us as many more as you please.

  • separator
    News || Guest Writers || Mark Twain || Dan DeQuille || Humor || Travel
    Send your own humorous writings to the current day editor, Tom Muzzio, by email. separator
    Territorial Enterprise
    Publishing Since 1858

    TE Printer
    © 1999 All Rights Reserved